How to Birth and Heal Like a Boss (Before You're Even Pregnant)

After my son was born at home, I was on fire with the power of the female experience, and started writing a book, Trust Your Body, Trust Your Birth.

In the beginning of the writing process, I heard Australian Midwife, Jane Hardwicke Collings say, "What you learn at the altar of menstruation is what you bring to the altar of childbirth."

A light bulb went off in my heart and I stopped writing that book. My work with women required a course correction. 

If I was to help women make empowered decisions that included navigating birth in a crumbling patriarchal system, we would have to time-travel back to early experiences of menstruation and sexuality, before birth was imminent. 

Menarche, a woman's first period, is a Rite of Passage that is widely overlooked and stripped of spiritual and cultural significance in industrial society. The sacred mystery of your blood (and life itself) could have been celebrated and revered more.

It is the same for birth. Mother's are often celebrated with a shower of things for baby, and not for the experience of transitioning from Maiden to Mother. 

After my light bulb moment, instead of writing articles about how to navigate birth and new motherhood, I began to unearth the relationship that women have to being women.

Being a woman includes having a cyclical nature, waxing and waning cycles of introspection and extroversion, a fluctuation of sexual energy, creativity, and a flow of life that only women truly know.

What does all of this have to do with birthing and healing like a boss?

Reconnecting with your body, your cycle, and your sexual energy will set you up for empowered birth, motherhood, and deeply satisfying relationships, too. 

I teach women how to reconnect with their pelvic space through the Taoist Jade Egg Practice. It's a practice I'd like to see in the hands of every woman. If you're not familiar with what a Jade Egg Practice is yet, check this article out. 

Starting a Jade practice before you walk through Birth + Motherhood is powerful medicine for what's to come.

It will help you tap into areas of your Yoni (vagina) that may be inactive, release energetic patterns from your womb, and prepare you for the physiological aspects of childbirth and postpartum.

Working with your jade can also awaken deeper levels of pleasure for you (enjoy delicious orgasms with ease). Which reminds me, have you read birth advocate Angela Gallo's article on the benefits of Self-Pleasure during labor yet? 

Here Are Three Reasons a Jade Egg Practice Will Help You Birth + Heal Like a Boss (Before You're Even Pregnant):

1. Know Your Body Better

There is nothing more empowering than a woman who knows her body very intimately.

There is an initiation that's been missing from our lineage for too long. In the west, young women are misled to seek understanding of their body through experiences with others. I believe women need to be consciously guided into the self-exploration of their own body, which includes self-pleasure.

You need to know your body well enough to say 'NO' to the ob/gyn when he or she suggests something that may not be necessary for you. You need to know your body well enough to ask for more time before induction. You need to know your body well enough to seek out birth workers that will honor your voice and your needs first.

Your body is your body, is your body. Know it well. This will serve you in every situation. Get to know your body, more specifically your Yoni, before you're a birthing woman.

2. How to Breathe, Relax, + Open Your Pelvis

A Jade practice involves a deep awareness of your pelvic bowl. To insert your jade egg, you bring your attention to your pelvic floor, relax your vaginal opening, and take her in.

Then, to move your jade egg up toward your cervix , you engage your pelvic floor muscles (aka squeeze — like a kegel). To access the full description of this exercise download your free e-book here. 

Then, when you're done with your practice, squat down to release your egg by opening your Yoni (vagina). Once you feel open, actively push your egg out into your hands.

Breath, Surrender, Open, Push. Sound like birth?

A strong, yet supple, pelvic floor changes the experience labor and birth. It can also dramatically reduce the length of labor, and help shift you from pain to pleasure.

3. Postpartum Healing + Restoration

The jade egg is the missing element in every woman's birth kit.

Postpartum care is undergoing a massive revolution at the hands of the mothers and birth workers who know more attention and reverence is needed at this time of integration.

Yes, it will take time for you to restore your mineral supplies, regain pelvic strength, and integrate the physical changes you've experienced, and the jade practice can help to speed your energetic and physical healing.

When the pelvic floor is weak, vital energy, or 'chi' is not contained in the abdominal-pelvic cavity, thereby limiting the energy available for optimal organ functioning.

A strong pelvic floor provides a solid foundation for the containment and circulation of chi throughout the body.

Postpartum healing through the jade practice can occur on an energetic level, helping to move trapped birth energy out of the pelvis that became stuck due to an unexpected cesarean or another trauma.

And the jade healing is always working on a physical level — to strengthen and tone the muscles of the pelvic floor. 

In indigenous populations where the wisdom traditions have been preserved, women know that the womb requires three years minimum to be restored before subsequent pregnancy.

Entering your second pregnancy without a strong pelvic floor + restored womb is not wise according to these traditions. 

My good friend + amazing Doula, Lacey Broussard, has a generous blog series up on optimal fetal positioning that will enlighten you to just how important it is that your body is strong and well aligned prior to birth. Check it out here.

As always, here's to your life, at full-power. You're the boss goddess. And I love you.

If you found this post helpful + informative, share it with your sisters! 

Big Love,
Jillian Xx

As a writer and women's health mentor, Jillian fuses her background in yoga, bodywork, and spiritual healing, to give women the tools they need to step into full power. She believes that pleasure is potent medicine and that sexual energy can be redirected for healing and vitality.

As a writer and women's health mentor, Jillian fuses her background in yoga, bodywork, and spiritual healing, to give women the tools they need to step into full power. She believes that pleasure is potent medicine and that sexual energy can be redirected for healing and vitality.

View our current selection of Jade + Yoni Eggs to see a list of each stone's healing properties.

Want to go deeper? If you're looking to transcend self-imposed limitations through womb clearing,  learn more here. 

Want to go deeper? If you're looking to transcend self-imposed limitations through womb clearing, learn more here. 


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If you want to:

  • identify what needs to come off your plate NOW

  • map (and start to magnetize) your ideal support system with one of my favorite exercises (SO YOU CAN SHIFT INTO TRULY THRIVING)

  • get instant insight on doing work and motherhood on your own terms 

  • take the next-level action steps you’ve been avoiding

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What My Vagina Taught Me About Becoming A Mom

whatmyvaginataughtmeaboutbecomingamom

Becoming a Mother, for me, is not tied to a specific moment in time. Rather it has been a great unfolding as I find my own rhythm. I was becoming a Mother while my son was gestating in my womb and I am still becoming a mother now as he takes his first steps at thirteen months.

As a massage therapist I have become accustomed to connecting the messages of my physical body with the challenges I face emotionally and spiritually. For instance, when I feel neck pain I know I need to let go of rigidity, compromise, and remember my innate flexibility.

Recently, I had become aware of a deep aching pain in my pelvic floor. When my son Gabriel was born I knew the passage of his head and shoulders changed the muscular pattern of my vagina and my entire pelvic floor. 

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As I birthed, unhindered, I spiraled into my own ancestral vortex. I was inside my mother and inside my mother’s mother. I felt the complete lineage of my ancestry. Birth went like this: I walked through a portal and as I passed through I became covered in a sparkling web that hung mysteriously there waiting for me. 

This was my true initiation into motherhood. The web that I passed through represents the impressions and patterns of the women that came before me. Each mother walks through her own web as she claims her place in her Motherline. Each woman inherits the patterns of the mother before her and is set free into her new spiritual work: the art of mothering. 

I learned what I know about the pelvic floor patterns during pregnancy, birth, postpartum, and mothering from the work of Tami Lynn Kent, founder of Holistic Pelvic Care, author, and mother of four. It wasn't until I read her books Wild Feminine and Mothering from Your Center that I began to see more deeply into my pelvic bowl, my sexuality, and my creative power.

After Gabriel was born and I traversed the fourth trimester I began to notice a dull aching pain radiate from the right, anterior quadrant of my vagina (see diagram below). As energetic beings we channel both masculine and feminine energy. The masculine also known as yang energy is associated with our right side and governs our ability to project out into the world. Feminine or yin energy correlates to our left side and our capacity to receive. 

After childbirth, the right side of my vagina became tense while the left side felt very open and weak. When I used my finger internally in the right quadrant to feel the strength of my muscles I could very easily engage them. When I tested the strength of my left quadrant I found only a fraction of the strength the other side had.

I knew recovering from birth would mean accepting physical challenges and changes. I knew I would be gentle with my recovery and eventually find balance again. Here’s the thing: birth changed a hell of a lot more than my vagina. Let me explain...

After Gabe was born I was thrown into a period of intense outward creation. I birthed my blog and my new business ideas. I worked obsessively to blast my creations out into the world. This was yang energy in overdrive.  

In the midst of this masculine dominated time my feminine/yin side had become completely disengaged. I could not stop doing. I could not just be. I couldn't sit still. It was as if a switch had flipped and I became someone I didn't even know. 
   
The patience I had cultivated previously to motherhood had completely vanished. I found myself, eerily, saying things my mother used to say. I found myself cleaning my house angrily, something my mother always did. I found myself stuck in inherited patterns that came completely out of left (or right) field.

As it goes with the body, when we are not listening, our pain becomes louder to attract our attention. And so it was, in the depth of winter, I realized what had really happened to me during birth. I stepped into my place in the Motherline. I inherited the challenges of my mother and my mother’s mother. My pelvic floor muscles physically changed to manifest these challenges for me.

Our bodies are intricately connected to our ancestors and the lessons we came here for. As women and mothers we're blessed with this divine-design that serves  as a map for our growth should we choose to tune in.

Big Love,

Jillian Xx


WANT MORE?

Go From Overwhelmed to On-Point with Your Purpose Work with the Deeply Supported Mother Workbook

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If you want to:

  • identify what needs to come off your plate NOW

  • map (and start to magnetize) your ideal support system with one of my favorite exercises (SO YOU CAN SHIFT INTO TRULY THRIVING)

  • get instant insight on doing work and motherhood on your own terms 

  • take the next-level action steps you’ve been avoiding

Then, this is for you. Download it below for instant access. 

 
 
 

We Planned an Unassisted Homebirth. Here's Why.

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Shock, confusion, and the occasional ‘that’s bad ass’ are the reactions we receive when someone hears our son was born with just my partner and I, at home. Birthing in the absence of a medical professional is known as unassisted childbirth. It is also referred to as unhindered childbirth and free birth.

We planned an unhindered childbirth because my safety and the safety of our son was the biggest priority. Aaron and I love all the reactions. We love to see eyes wide open. We love to see our cultural norms and beliefs challenged. The truth is, I had to challenge my own beliefs about pregnancy and childbirth.

What I came to discover, through mind-combing meditation, conversations with birth professionals, hours of research, and a lot of prayer, is this: Birth is not a medical event, rather it is the ordinary process of women and all life. I have faith in the big picture, the divine-design of the female body, and the everyday experiences we receive because we are meant to. 

What did I desire when envisioning my ideal childbirth experience? Instinctively, safety was at the top of the list. I knew I would birth most easily, undisturbed, and free to act as I needed in the comfort of my own home.  I also really wanted a mind-blowing-euphoric-life-rocking-transcendental-birth-orgasm. I’m not kidding. I read Orgasmic Childbirth and decided sex during birth sounded great.  

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I wanted complete freedom to be in any position that felt right, to eat and drink when I wanted, and to be uninhibited by any outside authority. I wanted to turn off my logical-rational mind. I wanted my intuitive nature to turn up and on. I wanted my primal-warrior-goddess to take the lead.

I wanted a serene and peaceful nest. I wanted to cherish every moment of the process. I wanted no fear, no regrets, and I wanted all of my energy focused exclusively on birthing.  In my ideal birth scenario there would be zero energy wasted on unexpected visitors, nurses, and authoritative medical professionals (no matter how well-meaning). I wanted to be completely out-of-range of drugs, fetal-monitors, vaccinations, surgical equipment, silver nitrate, and sick folks.

‘Okay, you wanted a homebirth, but why not hire a midwife?’ At first, I wanted to birth with a midwife. I know so many great midwives. I love the work they do. I love that the trend in childbirth is coming back to the home. More women are seeking a system of care that is mother friendly. We decided not to hire a midwife because I felt confident enough in my body and in the process of childbirth to experience it alone.

Whether we had a midwife present or not, our child would be born, and my intuition said we’d have the experience we needed on our own. I also discovered that even some midwives are trained to direct your birth experience and can bring their own doubts along for the ride. I wanted no outside direction of our experience.  I just wanted my body to do what it knew to do. I wanted the final say in the entire process. I wanted the power position without having to explain or compromise.

‘But what if there’s an emergency?’ During my pregnancy I asked myself a slightly different version of this question: What’s a real emergency? Going past 40 weeks pregnant didn’t classify. Induction wasn’t my concern. Umbilical cord complications wouldn’t change my desire for a natural homebirth. Even if my son was breech I would have attempted an unassisted homebirth. Nature has its way.

Many women rely on the medical system to tell them what is going on in their own body. Many women go to the hospital, uninformed. Many don’t know what a real emergency is. Many women are unaware that the western medical system causes emergency situations and then doctors arrive with solutions to problems that could have been avoided. Many women put their bodies, their lives, and their children’s well-being into the hands of others without knowing what they, themselves, are truly capable of.

Disclaimer: I’m not here to convince you to birth one way or another. My intention is to inspire trust in the divine-design of the female body. You see, we’re not broken, and we don’t need to be regulated or saved. I believe that Jane Hardwicke Collings said it best: “Childbirth is not an isolated event in a woman's life, it is the culmination of her life to that point: it shows everything about her, her beliefs, her fears.... I think there are no failures in birth, every woman has the birth she needs to have, to learn what she needs to learn, to take her to the next place on her life journey."

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I prepared for childbirth alone because I knew it was my challenge. It was my work to do. I read Emergency Childbirth, ecstatic childbirth, and The Labor Progress Handbook. I read Unassisted Childbirth and Birthing From Within. I read Laboring On and the studied the history of childbirth.

I watched birth videos. I learned how much blood was too much to lose. I read about lotus birth and the importance of the placenta for mama and baby. I prepared myself for the possibility of emergency by nourishing myself with herbal tonics and wholesome food. I had shepherd's purse and iron rich infusions on hand. I took charge of my healthcare, pregnancy, and birth experience. 

We planned an unassisted homebirth because it was right for us. We used our intuition. We focused on what we wanted and made decisions from a heart-centered place of knowing. We became informed. Research and cultivating our intuition prepared us for the beginning stages of parenting, decision making, self-reliance, and self-discovery. Thanks for witnessing our story. Here's to cultivating trust in: your body, your birth, and your life. 

Big Love,

Jillian Xx


WANT MORE?

Go From Overwhelmed to On-Point with Your Purpose Work with the Deeply Supported Mother Workbook

deeply-supported-mother-workbook

If you want to:

  • identify what needs to come off your plate NOW

  • map (and start to magnetize) your ideal support system with one of my favorite exercises (SO YOU CAN SHIFT INTO TRULY THRIVING)

  • get instant insight on doing work and motherhood on your own terms 

  • take the next-level action steps you’ve been avoiding

Then, this is for you. Download it below for instant access.