I'm Learning Not to Let My Emotional State Affect My Business Growth Anymore. You, Too?

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I’m super emotional. All water. Cancer moon, cancer sun, ascendent in Scorpio. In the system of Human Design, I have what’s called ‘Emotional Authority’ which means (you guessed it) emotions and feelings are how I make decisions.

Not logic. Emotions. Feelings.

Yes. Emotions. Feelings. Waves of ‘em. They rise, and they fall — up and down, in and out, heavy and light. They’re my guides.

Sometimes, I’m euphoric, and other times I’m deep inside a bottomless pit. No, I’m not an unstable person — I’m just watery.

I’m working with the flower essence, White Chestnut, right now, and I have to say, I’m feeling consistently joyful. I meditate. I eat whole foods that are non-gmo and pesticide free. I get enough fats and I move my body everyday. I get 8 hours + of good sleep. I do my writing — my purpose-work.

But even when I’m really good, I can be an up and down person.

And being an up and down person who is growing and running a business? Who has decisions to make?

Well, it’s gotten me into a lot of trouble. I mean, talk about lessons on lessons. Sandwiches of lessons. Stacks on stacks of lessons (not cash). Although the lessons do eventually translate into cash. Anyway

In this post I want to sort out a few things together. I want to explore:

  • where do you need to put your emotions aside (if at all) to successfully create your vision, and move forward with your work?

  • what does ‘forcing’ look like vs. what does ‘surrendering’ look like?

  • can ‘pushing through’ actually be healthy?

I can almost hear dozens of voices in my head — you know, colleagues — already responding, “you don’t need to put emotion aside! You need to honor your emotions!”

To which I say: Yeah, yeah. And, no.

Right now, from where I stand: I don’t suggest that my clients NOT show up because they’re IN IT emotionally. I, 95% of the time, recommend they take action. I recognize that sometimes they’re IN IT, because they’re growing and getting out of their comfort zone.

What a cycle, huh? Welcome to entrepreneurship. This is where dreams are made.

It’ll be easier for me to explain my stance on business and emotions, if we talk about the gym for a sec.

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I’m 30-something weeks pregnant right now — nearing the end of my pregnancy — and I’ve been thinking about the gym a lot and how I miss it.

I’m sure a ton of women go to the gym through the end of their pregnancies, but I know myself too well, and I know that I have the tendency to push myself too hard. So, I decided it’s safer for me to be OUT of the gym during this time.

But here’s what I miss most about the gym — and honestly, it’s not what you think it is.

It’s not the burn, or the sauna. It’s not the physical results I get.

It’s actually the mental exercise of showing up whether I feel like it or not — whether I’m in a positive emotional state, or not. Because, you know, I ALMOST NEVER actually feel like going to the gym. That’s right. I ALMOST NEVER feel like going.

If I waited until I was in a positive emotional state to get dressed, show up, and put in the work, I would not go 75% of the time, and I would also not be as fit as I usually am. I DO HAVE STANDARDS, THOUGH.

In enters my #1 point about emotions and business: sometimes you need to just separate the emotion/feeling and SHOW UP. And if you can’t do that, it’s time to take a look at YOUR STANDARDS.

Because if your standards can’t be defined, or clearly expressed, you will never have the inner guidance system in place that’ll allow you to determine when to put your emotions aside vs. when to put the work aside.

Another point I need to make here: I can’t recall one instance over the span of the last 10+ years where I walked out of the gym feeling defeated and down on myself. Not one.

SHOWING UP for your vision, goals, and desires brings a flood of positive emotions and feelings. So, putting in the work, actually has huge potential to shift your emotional state. Why not lean into that, more?

Back to STANDARDS and what I need you to know if you want your business to grow consistently: sometimes you do need to separate the emotion and handle it. And I can take a guess, that if you’re not already DOING THIS, that your standards are wishy-washy, and NOT IN THE PROPER PLACE.

  • What kind of results do you expect?

  • What kind of results do you anticipate having?

  • What kind of results are your standard?

  • What kind of results are your normal?

Can you answer these questions easily? Maybe you’re like the past version of me who just accepted whatever happened because her standards were not clearly defined.

Think about your standards. Maybe journal on them. Then come back here to finish reading this.

Show Up for Your Business Consistently and Your Business Will Show Up Consistently for You

Let’s talk about what it takes to show up for your business consistently (so that your business shows up consistently for you)…

Let’s just say you’re going through a challenging thing with a friend, or your mom, or your partner, and you just feel so freakin’ low about yourself and your life. Your emotions are feeling heavy, and it feels kinda hard to move through it.

And why is nobody signing up to your thing yet?

Let’s just say on the same day you’re supposed to be writing a blog post, sending an email to your email list, posting on Instagram, and doing some marketing/promotion/sales activity…

If you decide that a) you’re just not feeling it today so you b) shrink away from your priorities to c) watch netflix or [insert whatever else you do to avoid the work here] …

AND YOU DO THIS EVERY WEEK OR MONTH AT VARIOUS TIMES, ON AND ON AND ON...

You can bet that your business (and business revenue) is going to follow the pattern of your actions, behaviors, and emotional states. Period. End of story.

I tried it that way, lived it, and am here to tell you the tale! DON’T MESS AROUND WITH YOUR TIME (AND LIFE) LIKE THAT.

Pushing through the resistance and separating your emotional state from the work at hand (instead of constantly riding the emotional wave) can lead you to a completely different place in your life.

I mean, don’t take my word for it — try it yourself.

Look, there’s a difference between a genuine trauma trigger that puts you into fight, flight, or freeze (from which you’ll need to skillfully navigate your way back to mental, physical, and emotional safety) AND letting your emotional state TAKE OVER consistently in your business.

Please, feel all your feelings — but don’t get addicted to them. Don’t decide you need to feel all your feelings for 2 weeks, 3 weeks, 2 months — and then wonder why you’re not making sales consistently.

Now, on Forcing vs. Surrendering

Nothing I have said so far, is meant to be taken as encouragement for you to force things. I don’t want you to force a single thing. I do not advocate you forcing yourself to be happy, or be positive, or be high-energy. I do not advocate any of that!

I want you to forge forward courageously, yes. But force your way? No.

For me, forcing feels like manipulating reality, where forging forward feels like walking steadily and powerfully toward my intended destination.

And then there’s surrender (which leads to the forward movement). And surrender is very simply: complete acceptance. If you can accept completely that you’re not feeling so great about yourself / life / whatever, but that you still have a vision to show up for, BOOM, there ya go — you’ve surrendered.

And you don’t need to lay on the floor about it, or anything. You can actually just get on with the work.

YES, your emotions are powerful teachers for you. They help you to understand yourself and others in highly intelligent ways.

Honor the full spectrum of your emotions. Acknowledge. Feel. Express. Channel.

But please, don’t let your emotional state determine HOW and WHEN you show up for your business/vision, or you’re in for a long, drawn out, choppy ride — one that doesn’t promise arrival to the destination of your choice.

Big Love,

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P.S. Do you know that if you could just get yourself into the RIGHT unstoppable mindset, and develop the right habits, that you could be the prolific creative you came to be?

It’s happening NOW! There’s this juicy Mindset Coaching Bundle I have for You and I need you to know about it!

Together we’ll:

  • move through your excuses and limiting stories that prevent you from showing up for yourself, your work, and by extension — your child/partner/family.

  • create new habits (that support your creative genius) so you know what to focus on daily to create consistent results and build unstoppable momentum

  • take the micro steps you need to take, to create your vision in business and in life — financially, emotionally, and energetically.

It’s super low priced (there’s a payment plan option, too) and it’s going to help you DEVELOP UNSTOPPABLE MOMENTUM.

I don’t know if you realize this, but we’re living in an incredible TIME!

You have SO much to share, and give, and create, and you also have SO MANY INCREDIBLE PLACES to channel that creativity.

Get the juicy details on the Prolific Life Now Mindset Coaching Bundle here, and don’t miss this magic! There are also 2 bonuses!

Get in on the Prolific Now Mindset Bundle here: http://www.jillian-anderson.com/mindset-bundle

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If you want to:

+ Help your clients get better results

+ Free up time + energy to strategically create a group program

+ Stop hustling for your next single 1:1 session, or low-end sale

+ learn how to go high-end with your rates, effectively

Then, this is for you. Download it below for instant access. 

 
 
 

Your Fraudy Feelings Have a Message For You. And It’s Not What You Think It Is.

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Make no mistake — when you DO get out of your comfort zone and start to take actions that are different, bigger, more direct, and will lead you to the results you want, you might start to feel the feelings that come from thoughts like:

  • “Who am I to do this?”

  • “Who am I to say this?”

  • “Who am I to speak on this / teach on this/ facilitate around this.”

  • “Who am I to charge X for this?”

  • “After all, my life isn’t perfect and I don’t have it all figured out…”

When you go to sleep with anxiety in your chest that says, “what if they knew the truth? What if they knew what I was really going through right now? What if they ALL knew?” — do you realize that you’re putting a HUGE energetic wall between you and the people you can serve?

A. Huge. Impenetrable. Wall.

Do you realize that you’re putting everyone else’s opinion of you, before the ONLY one that matters — your own?

Really, how does it feel to honor the opinions of people who very likely have minimal to NO CREATIVE OUTPUT to show for their lives? People who devote more time to slinging their opinions all over the internet than they do to making something of true value?

Nobody else has lived your life. Nobody (not your mom, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, cat, or friend from Canada) understands everything that’s brought you to this moment, where you’re being guided to DO YOUR WORK IN THE WORLD, IN YOUR UNIQUE WAY.

Using your gifts, skills, and talents shouldn’t feel like waiting to be found out and hauled off by the fraud police! I mean, didn’t you start this thing to express more of yourself, and create more freedom?

Just a quick bucket of water to your face: if you’re making other people’s opinions matter MORE than your own, you can quit your dream now before you get demolished, because the current internet landscape is one in which people have been engineered to REACT.

The more people you reach, the more reactions you’re going to get. The more people are going to be triggered by you, and what you say, and your story — all of it!

When you rise up and somebody, somewhere DOESN’T like it (or you) and thinks you’re full of it, and you can’t hold your own (stand in the truth and power and beauty of WHO YOU ARE) — you’re on the slow train of building the life and business you want.

The slow train!

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I digress. I get the whole Impostor thing to the core.

For years feeling like a fraud was one of my primary vibes. I felt fraudy ALL the time. I felt fraudy on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and then again on Friday, no matter how much positive feedback I received, externally.

I especially felt fraudy when I launched something new, raised my rates, or wrote something I was called to write that I was clearly STILL working on myself.

But that’s the heart of it, isn’t it?  

YOU THINK you have to be at a certain level of mastery in your field / with your work, before you get started / introduce the new project / raise your rates / etc. and it’s (in my OPINION) the antithesis of entrepreneurship.

HOW IS MASTERY OBTAINED? Through action — consistent action. Through taking big scary steps all the time that feel hard, and OUT OF YOUR ZONE, and make you wobble as you find your ground again.

I am here to tell you that you don’t need to wait and wait and wait and wait. I am here to say: CROWN YOURSELF QUEEN OF YOUR OWN THING AND SUPPORT YOURSELF NOW. Right now! This moment!

Practically, make a list of all the reasons why you ARE qualified! Sit in a meditative state today and remember how you came to understand ALL THE TOOLS you have and how they work. THINK about the people who NEED YOU — the people who are not as informed as you about X.

Yes, do the work and live the work. Of course!

If you’re facilitating Breathwork  — powerfully guide your clients to their own results. But when you’re navigating a lesson or a challenge in your life, don’t let your own healing process stop you from showing up for others, or for your business activities (like sales!).

If you’re helping others write their books, you better know how to write a book from start to finish. Know what comes up at the beginning, middle, and end, for someone in that process.

But don’t let the fact that you sometimes get STUCK with your own writing, stop you from serving others.  Get out there and market yourself EVEN when you’re not feeling so good about yourself (or have a business and life that’s as up and down as your emotional state)!

If you’re helping people navigate their relationship challenges, you don’t need to have a perfect relationship in order to feel aligned and comfortable in that work. No!

You just need to have empathy, compassion, counseling/coaching skills, and helpful tools to teach your clients. Don’t let your current relationship status/story stop you from hitting publish, or pitching the podcast — just. don’t.

You are not the model of perfection that your clients aspire to be! Take that in. Read it again. You are not the model of perfection that your readers, clients, customers, and/or students aspire to be.

That outdated model of learning and mentorship is perpetuated inside of your own mind first. If you don’t put others on a pedestal, you won’t hold yourself as if you were on one, too!

You are an individual with incredible gifts to share! And you are also a human being — who will never have it ‘all together’ and who will always be navigating some kind of growth edge. That’s just WHO YOU ARE!  

Remember: nothing great is ever built on ALWAYS getting it right, and ALWAYS having the answers. GREAT SKILL and GREATNESS in general is built on the mistakes you’ve made, the failures you’ve navigated, and on your willingness to get out of your comfort zone and learn.

And learning is messy, cyclical, and challenging. Get INTO it. Get MESSY.

Make a decision today to believe in yourself, your gifts, your ideas, and in what you’re feeling called to live, teach, and share.

Big Love,

Jillian-final.png
 

P.S. Do you know, deep in your bones, that if you could just get yourself into the RIGHT unstoppable mindset, and develop the right habits, that you could be the prolific creative you came to be?

It’s happening NOW! There’s this juicy Mindset Coaching Bundle I have for You and I need you to know about it!

Together we’ll:

  • move through your excuses and limiting stories that prevent you from showing up for yourself, your work, and by extension — your child/partner/family.

  • create new habits (that support your creative genius) so you know what to focus on daily to create consistent results and build unstoppable momentum

  • take the micro steps you need to take, to create your vision in business and in life — financially, emotionally, and energetically.

It’s super low priced (there’s a payment plan option, too) and it’s going to help you DEVELOP UNSTOPPABLE MOMENTUM.

I don’t know if you realize this, but we’re living in an incredible TIME!

You have SO much to share, and give, and create, and you also have SO MANY INCREDIBLE PLACES to channel that creativity.

Get the juicy details on the Mindset Bundle here, and don’t miss this magic! There are also 2 bonuses!

Get in on the Prolific Now Mindset Bundle here: http://www.jillian-anderson.com/mindset-bundle

jillian-anderson-international-prolific-life-now-mindset-coaching

7 Core Components_ipad_white_portrait.png

If you want to:

+ Help your clients get better results

+ Free up time + energy to strategically create a group program

+ Stop hustling for your next single 1:1 session, or low-end sale

+ learn how to go high-end with your rates, effectively

Then, this is for you. Download it below for instant access. 

 
 
 

Am I the Mother I Want to Be? Sometimes, I Am Her.

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I remember sitting at a table with two friends last year, when one of them (who was not yet a mama) said something along the lines of, “I know I’m not ready for a child. I don’t want to pass my unconsciousness down the line.”

In my mind, my honest response was, “good luck with that!”

Maybe I was quick to respond because of my own experience. I mean, even after my awakening in 2011, I still struggle with guilt about the way I sometimes fail my son (who is now 5).

You can only do so much ancestral healing work from OUTSIDE the ring.

As in: you can prepare as much as you want before you become a mother, but once you’re a mother (or parent) — the real work begins.

That’s my opinion.

Maybe, like me, you’ll say to yourself, “Holy sh*t, I thought I had healed this.”

There have been dark moments (usually when I’m not taking care of myself/my energy or devoting time to my purpose-work) where I have grabbed my five year old by the shoulders, shaken him, and yelled in his face. Not for no reason, mind you, but because I could no longer tolerate his behavior and non-compliance (which I understand is a glaring reflection of ME).

There have been other things. Like the times when I have made him responsible for the negative shift in energy during the day, or in the house, or between us. Or the times when I have dragged him kicking and screaming to the yard and left him out there until I could get calm enough to handle it.

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Or the times I have outright asked him, “What’s wrong with you?” — all the while knowing how damaging that statement is, and that there is truly nothing wrong with him, but that it’s ME and his behavior or a situation that needs to be addressed with consciousness.

There have also been really sad times when I have completely shut myself and my heart down, and been conditional with my love — a pattern I no doubt lived on the receiving end of as a daughter of an unfit mother.

I won’t go into a long defensive explanation about how freaking persistent, intense, and energetically demanding he is. But I will say: he wants to make ALL the rules, he does not comply, and parenting him is NOT easy.

I’ve invested in therapy. I’ve been doing EFT and EMDR. I’ve read Dr. Shefali. And Peaceful Parent, Happy Child. I’ve read the books about the Spirited Children. I’ve talked to other moms who get it. I’ve talked to moms who don’t.

And I’ve given my child more space to exist as who he naturally is than so many I see fitting their children into tidy little boxes of what’s acceptable — viewing them not as unique beings, but rather as extensions of themselves.

And despite all of it, I still get it wrong, more often than I want to.

Is there more I could do? Yes.

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Am I the mother I want to be? Sometimes I am her.

Sometimes, I lean right into her and I’m proud and relieved. In the moments where I remember to shift the energy intelligently — I am her. In the moments when I maintain eye contact and can hold my role as the energetic container for his intensity — I am her.

When I remember to laugh at it all, that he chose me, and that he IS going to grow into a wonderful and emotionally intelligent young man — I am her.

It’s vulnerable for me to share my dark mom moments, because I know conceptually what the right and wrong (or unconscious) ways mothering/parenting are — meanwhile, my LIVED experience of being mothered is one of consistent abuse.

I’m sitting here right now, as I write this, thinking of a woman I can send this to, to read before I hit publish. Maybe she’ll tell me not to share it, or maybe she’ll say, ‘me too’ — that she also has dark mom moments that are hard to talk about.

One thing is for certain: I know that I am human. I know that I am not alone on the journey. I know that I came, not to be perfect — but to heal — to carry the torch forward for my Soul family and lineage one step at a time, even if that means that the steps I take don’t get us fully to the destination I know is available.

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In my mind I can hear one of my friends quote Matt Kahn. In moments of admitting my faults and sharing my pain, she’d remind me, “you know Jillian, Matt Kahn would say that in the dark moments, ‘you deserve more love, not less.’”

Is it time to hold yourself with the Love and compassion that you know will wash your Spirit clean and clear? Is it time to forgive yourself for your mistakes and move forward? Is it time to love yourself unconditionally, as if you were the child who needed to be held?

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You’re not here to be perfect. You’re here to be human. And the more you can allow for your mistakes the easier you’ll move through them, learn from them, and the more quickly you will discover another way — a better way — a more aligned way for you + yours. .

Loving You,

Jillian Xx

P.S. The Prolific Life Now Mindset Coaching Bundle is NOW available! Are you ready to go from overwhelmed and scattered, to focused on and ON POINT with your soul work?

Listen, I know you’re a better mom when you’re making space for your work, your vision, and your creativity. I know because I’M THE SAME WAY.

On the days that I rise early and do my writing, I am far more satisfied, contented, and pleased — and it makes me a way better mom!

I don’t know who said this, but they were right: you can’t pour from an empty cup. You just can’t. When there are other people in your life who need your life-force energy, you need to do what you can to FILL UP FIRST.

For a limited time (and for a super low price) you can purchase this juicy bundle of mindset trainings designed to help you navigate being both ambitious in building your career AND being the mother you know you can be.

Together let’s:

  • move through your excuses, BS, and limiting stories that are preventing you from showing up for yourself, your work, and by extension — your child or partner or family

  • create new habits (that support your creative genius) so you know what to focus on daily to create consistent results and build unstoppable momentum

  • take the micro steps you need to take, to create your vision in business and in life — financially, emotionally, and energetically.

Get all the details and get in on this goodness right here: www.jillian-anderson.com/mindset-bundle

Big Love,

Jillian-final.png
 

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If you want to:

+ Help your clients get better results

+ Free up time + energy to strategically create a group program

+ Stop hustling for your next single 1:1 session, or low-end sale

+ learn how to go high-end with your rates, effectively

Then, this is for you. Download it below for instant access.