We Planned an Unassisted Homebirth. Here's Why.

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Shock, confusion, and the occasional ‘that’s bad ass’ are the reactions we receive when someone hears our son was born with just my partner and I, at home. Birthing in the absence of a medical professional is known as unassisted childbirth. It is also referred to as unhindered childbirth and free birth.

We planned an unhindered childbirth because my safety and the safety of our son was the biggest priority. Aaron and I love all the reactions. We love to see eyes wide open. We love to see our cultural norms and beliefs challenged. The truth is, I had to challenge my own beliefs about pregnancy and childbirth.

What I came to discover, through mind-combing meditation, conversations with birth professionals, hours of research, and a lot of prayer, is this: Birth is not a medical event, rather it is the ordinary process of women and all life. I have faith in the big picture, the divine-design of the female body, and the everyday experiences we receive because we are meant to. 

What did I desire when envisioning my ideal childbirth experience? Instinctively, safety was at the top of the list. I knew I would birth most easily, undisturbed, and free to act as I needed in the comfort of my own home.  I also really wanted a mind-blowing-euphoric-life-rocking-transcendental-birth-orgasm. I’m not kidding. I read Orgasmic Childbirth and decided sex during birth sounded great.  

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I wanted complete freedom to be in any position that felt right, to eat and drink when I wanted, and to be uninhibited by any outside authority. I wanted to turn off my logical-rational mind. I wanted my intuitive nature to turn up and on. I wanted my primal-warrior-goddess to take the lead.

I wanted a serene and peaceful nest. I wanted to cherish every moment of the process. I wanted no fear, no regrets, and I wanted all of my energy focused exclusively on birthing.  In my ideal birth scenario there would be zero energy wasted on unexpected visitors, nurses, and authoritative medical professionals (no matter how well-meaning). I wanted to be completely out-of-range of drugs, fetal-monitors, vaccinations, surgical equipment, silver nitrate, and sick folks.

‘Okay, you wanted a homebirth, but why not hire a midwife?’ At first, I wanted to birth with a midwife. I know so many great midwives. I love the work they do. I love that the trend in childbirth is coming back to the home. More women are seeking a system of care that is mother friendly. We decided not to hire a midwife because I felt confident enough in my body and in the process of childbirth to experience it alone.

Whether we had a midwife present or not, our child would be born, and my intuition said we’d have the experience we needed on our own. I also discovered that even some midwives are trained to direct your birth experience and can bring their own doubts along for the ride. I wanted no outside direction of our experience.  I just wanted my body to do what it knew to do. I wanted the final say in the entire process. I wanted the power position without having to explain or compromise.

‘But what if there’s an emergency?’ During my pregnancy I asked myself a slightly different version of this question: What’s a real emergency? Going past 40 weeks pregnant didn’t classify. Induction wasn’t my concern. Umbilical cord complications wouldn’t change my desire for a natural homebirth. Even if my son was breech I would have attempted an unassisted homebirth. Nature has its way.

Many women rely on the medical system to tell them what is going on in their own body. Many women go to the hospital, uninformed. Many don’t know what a real emergency is. Many women are unaware that the western medical system causes emergency situations and then doctors arrive with solutions to problems that could have been avoided. Many women put their bodies, their lives, and their children’s well-being into the hands of others without knowing what they, themselves, are truly capable of.

Disclaimer: I’m not here to convince you to birth one way or another. My intention is to inspire trust in the divine-design of the female body. You see, we’re not broken, and we don’t need to be regulated or saved. I believe that Jane Hardwicke Collings said it best: “Childbirth is not an isolated event in a woman's life, it is the culmination of her life to that point: it shows everything about her, her beliefs, her fears.... I think there are no failures in birth, every woman has the birth she needs to have, to learn what she needs to learn, to take her to the next place on her life journey."

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I prepared for childbirth alone because I knew it was my challenge. It was my work to do. I read Emergency Childbirth, ecstatic childbirth, and The Labor Progress Handbook. I read Unassisted Childbirth and Birthing From Within. I read Laboring On and the studied the history of childbirth.

I watched birth videos. I learned how much blood was too much to lose. I read about lotus birth and the importance of the placenta for mama and baby. I prepared myself for the possibility of emergency by nourishing myself with herbal tonics and wholesome food. I had shepherd's purse and iron rich infusions on hand. I took charge of my healthcare, pregnancy, and birth experience. 

We planned an unassisted homebirth because it was right for us. We used our intuition. We focused on what we wanted and made decisions from a heart-centered place of knowing. We became informed. Research and cultivating our intuition prepared us for the beginning stages of parenting, decision making, self-reliance, and self-discovery. Thanks for witnessing our story. Here's to cultivating trust in: your body, your birth, and your life. 

Big Love,

Jillian Xx


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On Freedom and New Motherhood

You're in high demand now. You're needed in a way you've never been needed before. A tiny being is dependent on YOU for all of his or her needs.

These needs are not as small as they are. Instead, they are mega time consuming. You are likely sleep deprived, without a shower, and worn-beyond-worn-out.  It's bliss, it's craziness, it IS a roller coaster.

Whether you asked for it or not, your mind is spinning, your body is healing, and your life as you know it has vanished into the ether. I assure you that you are not selfish when you have the thought, “What about me?”

 I had them. Oh, I had plenty of them.

 Initially it was: What about my shower? My breakfast? My sanity? What about lunch and dinner? The laundry? The dishes? 

Then it was: What about my workout? What about a moment in the bathroom, undisturbed? What about a morning run? A journal entry? Some yoga? What about my relationships? My work? A simple phone call with a friend? Will free time ever exist in my life again?

I’ll let you in on the good news…

It gets easier. It gets easier every single day. Thank Goddess it does. It will become your 'new normal.' You will become a balancing act, a magician of sorts, a completely transformed being on a brand new rhythm. Go with it sister and enjoy the ride. In my world, what was initially felt as a loss of freedom, turned out to become one of the most liberating experiences of my life.

To find out how I’ve experienced freedom through my journey into Motherhood click here to listen to the Jillian Anjali podcast. In this episode I share my story: New Mama: Restriction to Freedom.

I believe mainstream American culture misses the mark in preparing women for childbirth and the challenges of becoming a new mom. This is one of the driving reasons behind my work. We can learn so much from the stories we tell one another. I am so grateful for my ability to share with you today!

Big Love,

Jillian Xx


WANT MORE?

Go From Overwhelmed to On-Point with Your Purpose Work with the Deeply Supported Mother Workbook

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If you want to:

  • identify what needs to come off your plate NOW

  • map (and start to magnetize) your ideal support system with one of my favorite exercises (SO YOU CAN SHIFT INTO TRULY THRIVING)

  • get instant insight on doing work and motherhood on your own terms 

  • take the next-level action steps you’ve been avoiding

Then, this is for you. Download it below for instant access. 

 
 
 

Gabriels' Story

The 'unhindered birth' of Gabriel, Born to this Earth on January 17, 2014 at 8:22 a.m


WANT MORE?

Go From Overwhelmed to On-Point with Your Purpose Work with the Deeply Supported Mother Workbook

deeply-supported-mother-workbook

If you want to:

  • identify what needs to come off your plate NOW

  • map (and start to magnetize) your ideal support system with one of my favorite exercises (SO YOU CAN SHIFT INTO TRULY THRIVING)

  • get instant insight on doing work and motherhood on your own terms 

  • take the next-level action steps you’ve been avoiding

Then, this is for you. Download it below for instant access.