At the end of my very first blog post, written in 2013, I signed with the name: Jillian Anjali. It was a name I first heard in meditation out in Seattle, in the midst of a full blown awakening.
When I received that name I was no longer who I was before I received that name.
Eye wide open (not a typo). Sensitive. Like a newborn. My father, who is catholic, would call this my ‘conversion’ to the faith. And it was. I had remembered the truth of my eternal and limitless nature.
When I came back to the East coast after that awakening (‘cause life is a constant unfolding awakening if you’re down for it), I lost everyone in my life at once. I left a relationship. And I lost most of my childhood friends in the process.
I was suddenly alone with all of the transformation, so naturally, I started to look for the others.
Where did I look?
It was 2011 and it was a fresh start — one I needed in order to radically shift identities. Everything I wrote online, in the beginning, was so flowery and what I’ll refer to as ‘spiritual speak’, with little prayer hands trailing behind every last sentence.
Was I was expressing my state of consciousness? I’m not sure, but I was connecting with the others.
A few years later, following the birth of my first child (G), I started the blog.
Getting online with my work meant — you know putting my best foot forward, which was, again, demonstrated by all the spiritual speak and the name that was not really my name.
It’s important for you to know, that I didn’t normally talk spiritual speak to the people I was standing in front of, in person. Like, I never really said, ‘sister’ or ‘brother’ or ‘namaste’ or...
I know, I know. It’s interesting to reflect on.
HOW DO I SHOW UP AS ME, ONLINE?
How do you show up as YOU online? And not just some shiny prepared version of You, but like, the true full-spectrum range of You?
Today, five + years after starting the blog, I write like I talk.
Five years ago, someone reading all my flowery writing, was getting a different impression of who I was, than someone who reads my stuff now.
And here’s where I want to dig in, because here’s where it gets interesting...
I don’t think I could have showed up, writing as I speak, from the start, unless I was heavily coached to do so.
And even if I was heavily coached to do so, I think I still would have gone through what I will refer to as ‘the unveiling of Self online’.
I think the same is true for You. You’re in a process.
EVERYONE CAN SEE YOU OUT HERE.
Scary, huh? You could be exposed! They might discover you’re actually not all that good at what you think you’re good at! You publish something on the internet and, surprise, everyone can find it and read it. It’s all out here, waiting to be seen.
Exhilarating? Fun? Terrifying? Terrifying.
Unless of course you’re solid and grounded in your own perception of self.
But if you’re not? Good luck out here. Good. Luck.
You WILL go through your own unveiling of the Self here, though. Your unveiling might have a different feel and timeline than mine, but there is a process of getting comfortable, getting confident, and finding/honing your voice that comes with the territory.
Here’s another thing: it takes being out here, to BE out here, while simultaneously being safe. You can’t create the experience of being safe in your self-expression while you’re on the sidelines. You. Just. Can’t.
I had to go through the unveiling. Because I wasn’t comfortable being seen or heard. Not yet. I could only show a slice of myself back then. And I showed the pure-hearted slice. The super-connected-to-the-God-force slice. The angelic slice.
But that’s not all of me. I couldn’t let full spectrum me be seen yet, because I had to…
FIND MYSELF OUT IN THE OPEN. FIND MY VOICE, NOT IN A VACUUM, BUT OUT HERE WHERE IT’S LOUD AND THINGS ARE BEING SAID.
So how do you do it? This UNVEILING OF THE SOUL ONLINE? This revealing of yourSelf?
There’s only one way and it’s this: Show up today and write/share something.
Then, show up the tomorrow, and write/share something else.
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