The first time I was pregnant (in 2013) I could not see beyond birth. Everything was about birth. There was nothing else. I just couldn’t imagine life beyond it.
Now that I am pregnant with number two (we’re due in May), I’m not as focused on birth. Birth is going to happen, and of course I want to optimize our experience, but it’s the fourth trimester I’m really planning for.
During the vital months after my first was born, I had no help outside of my partner, Aaron, who had to go right back to work because we needed his income (and then some).
I didn’t have community.
No meal train.
No frozen bone broth or soup stock.
No help with the laundry and house.
Actually, I didn’t even have a washer or a dryer yet.
A thousand people gave us onsies, and we didn’t need them. We did need more cloth diapers. But this blog post isn’t about that.
This blog post is me taking you by the shoulders, looking you square in the eye, and telling you to prepare. A supportive postpartum requires resources. It requires you shift patterns, expectations, and basically, your entire standard of living.
You deserve that support.
You deserve the resources you need, to hire that support.
Most of us don’t live with our extended family, in community. While your mother, aunt, or sister may be nearby to help out, there’s no shame in doing what you can NOW to set yourself up for the experience you most want, and there are still energetic shifts you need to make. And, just because there are people around you to help, doesn’t mean they’ll automatically know your needs and wants.
When it comes to preparing financially, you have three options:
1. Save steadily and consistently for a duration of time until you hit your goals. You may have a goal to hire a postpartum doula, or a house cleaner, or both. You may also have a goal to make X amount per month during your maternity leave, without working. Wouldn’t it be great if young women (who want to be mothers) were encouraged to save for this long before conception, as much as they’re encouraged to marry?
2. Separate money from time, so you can create sources of income that recur without you doing work in-the-moment. This is what I call a new paradigm of money — one where you receive money for value provided, and not necessarily for time (think: create something once and sell it repeatedly). If you’re entrepreneurial you know what I’m talkin’ about here.
3. Rely on someone else. Some women have partners who have resources that can temporarily cover everything. Other expecting women contribute significantly to the household earnings. If that’s you, it’s smart to prepare as best you can by choosing either (or both) of the options above.
When it comes to preparing energetically, focus on the following:
1. Know your desires, and own them. There is no point in attempting to ‘find your voice’ or ‘use your voice’ if you aren’t clear about exactly what you want help with. You need to get clear on your primary role and be ready to pass the rest off to your support team. Getting clear on what you do, and don’t want, will require you speak with women who’ve gone through this transition already.
2. Use your voice. Now that you know what you want and what you don’t want, it’s time to practice ASKING for help clearly, and directly. You also want to practice asking for help without guilt. Remember, you deserve this. Growing and birthing a human is epic. It may feel uncomfortable at first to raise your hand and say, “I need ____, and I don’t want ____.” but your emotional, psychological, and physical health depend on it.
3. Get used to doing less, and receiving more. This will challenge your current patterns. It challenged me tremendously (hello, type-a!). If you’re hard-wired to produce results and your self-worth is attached to those results, you’re in for it. You’ll want to practice increasing your capacity to receive support from others with grace. There are strategies, mindset shifts, and embodiment practices I can teach you, that help with this.
This kind of preparation?
There’s emotional healing involved. Self-worth work. There are mindset shifts involved. There are risks that need to be taken, and fears that need to be overcome. Becoming a mother, or becoming a mother again, changes you into a new woman.
One of my favorite experiences with birth is that it connects you even more deeply with your purpose-work. This is because birth connects you to life, AND death, simultaneously. And when you come face to face with death, you start living with less fear, and more intention. You start to claim what you want more readily, because you realize that you won’t be here forever.
Are you excited about gaining clarity and confidence around what you want your postpartum experience to look and feel like? Are you afraid of losing your creative juice and business momentum after the baby comes? Are you feeling unsure and uncertain about how to prepare for your future, energetically and financially?
Do you want to do some deep Soul journaling with me, that’ll reveal to you what patterns and beliefs you need to shift, to make your transition into a well healed, wonderfully supported, and deeply fulfilled mother?
Whether you’re an entrepreneurial woman who is:
Trying to conceive
Already pregnant and planning for postpartum
Already in your postpartum
A new mother
I’ve got a very special PDF guide that I’m creating for you. It’s designed to help you to get clear about the kind of support you want, and help you set up a solid plan for attracting and receiving that support. Think: planning + strategy meets energy-work. Think: your vision all mapped out in one beautiful place.
Sign up here to be the first to receive the [Deeply Supported Mother Workbook] when it goes live: https://bit.ly/2GaN1t4