My Creativity Comes Before My Child. Here’s Why.

 Photo Credit goes to Artist: Devany of Serpent Fire Tarot

Photo Credit goes to Artist: Devany of Serpent Fire Tarot

I’m not the devoted one who bakes the muffins, packs the lunches, takes delight in playing with toys, and feels really excited about less solo time in the bathroom. Okay, I don’t know a single mom who is excited by less time in the bathroom.

I’m not completed by the role of mother. Gasp, I said it. Motherhood isn’t it for me.

I didn’t know until he was born. I didn’t know until I held him to my bare chest for the first time. I didn’t know until his unhindered birth bumped my self-expression to the top of the list.

I’m the creative entrepreneur mom, the one who writes late at night after bath and bedtime.

I’m the mom who sometimes gets on an airplane and goes away. The one that savored every nap, and sometimes napped at naptime, too, but mostly got creative, or got creative building more ways to be creative.

I’m the mom who needs her creativity to orient, to understand — to know herself.

When she doesn’t know herself, she gets lost. She’s not as connected to God / Source / Love.

She’s not sure what her Heart is saying. Her emotions go unprocessed. She’s more reactive, and there’s a nagging at her throat to say something to someone who can understand.

I relate to the mom who still wants to hike alone so she can cover more ground, and the mom who pulls out her phone at the park, to write down her next idea, and the thoughts that follow.

I’m the mom who LOVES when her child is occupied with a creative activity, so I can spend time in my own creative process, too.

When she doesn’t have that time, she can’t rest well. She’s unsettled. Antsy. Time is falling like sand, and she knows she’ll die one day, and isn’t there something she came here to do?

As I’m writing this, he’s pulling at my sweater and begging me to allow him to use a lighter (he’s four now and wants to light candles himself). I’m reasoning with him — actually bribing him, “let me write for ten minutes, and I’ll bring you to the health food store for a chocolate chip bar.”

You know what Julia Cameron, the author of The Artist’s Way, said about creativity and parenting, right? I’ll paraphrase: so much of the pain that children experience manifests through the unlived desires of his or her parents.

I’ll say that again in a different way: your creative dissatisfaction is a disservice to your child(ren).

This is a hats off to all the moms, today. You’re healing the planet by healing yourself, as your children grow. They see you, and they know.

And this is a nod to the creative mothers, who put a heavy emphasis on meeting their own needs first, and then meeting their creativity, in the dark.

Your full cup, is our full cup. I see You.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Big Love,

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