Am I the Mother I Want to Be? Sometimes, I Am Her.

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I remember sitting at a table with two friends last year, when one of them (who was not yet a mama) said something along the lines of, “I know I’m not ready for a child. I don’t want to pass my unconsciousness down the line.”

In my mind, my honest response was, “good luck with that!”

Maybe I was quick to respond because of my own experience. I mean, even after my awakening in 2011, I still struggle with guilt about the way I sometimes fail my son (who is now 5).

You can only do so much ancestral healing work from OUTSIDE the ring.

As in: you can prepare as much as you want before you become a mother, but once you’re a mother (or parent) — the real work begins.

That’s my opinion.

Maybe, like me, you’ll say to yourself, “Holy sh*t, I thought I had healed this.”

There have been dark moments (usually when I’m not taking care of myself/my energy or devoting time to my purpose-work) where I have grabbed my five year old by the shoulders, shaken him, and yelled in his face. Not for no reason, mind you, but because I could no longer tolerate his behavior and non-compliance (which I understand is a glaring reflection of ME).

There have been other things. Like the times when I have made him responsible for the negative shift in energy during the day, or in the house, or between us. Or the times when I have dragged him kicking and screaming to the yard and left him out there until I could get calm enough to handle it.

Or the times I have outright asked him, “What’s wrong with you?” — all the while knowing how damaging that statement is, and that there is truly nothing wrong with him, but that it’s ME and his behavior or a situation that needs to be addressed with consciousness.

There have also been really sad times when I have completely shut myself and my heart down, and been conditional with my love — a pattern I no doubt lived on the receiving end of as a daughter of an unfit mother.

I won’t go into a long defensive explanation about how freaking persistent, intense, and energetically demanding he is. But I will say: he wants to make ALL the rules, he does not comply, and parenting him is NOT easy.

I’ve invested in therapy. I’ve been doing EFT and EMDR. I’ve read Dr. Shefali. And Peaceful Parent, Happy Child. I’ve read the books about the Spirited Children. I’ve talked to other moms who get it. I’ve talked to moms who don’t.

And I’ve given my child more space to exist as who he naturally is than so many I see fitting their children into tidy little boxes of what’s acceptable — viewing them not as unique beings, but rather as extensions of themselves.

And despite all of it, I still get it wrong, more often than I want to.

Is there more I could do? Yes.

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Am I the mother I want to be? Sometimes I am her.

Sometimes, I lean right into her and I’m proud and relieved. In the moments where I remember to shift the energy intelligently — I am her. In the moments when I maintain eye contact and can hold my role as the energetic container for his intensity — I am her.

When I remember to laugh at it all, that he chose me, and that he IS going to grow into a wonderful and emotionally intelligent young man — I am her.

It’s vulnerable for me to share my dark mom moments, because I know conceptually what the right and wrong (or unconscious) ways mothering/parenting are — meanwhile, my LIVED experience of being mothered is one of consistent abuse.

I’m sitting here right now, as I write this, thinking of a woman I can send this to, to read before I hit publish. Maybe she’ll tell me not to share it, or maybe she’ll say, ‘me too’ — that she also has dark mom moments that are hard to talk about.

One thing is for certain: I know that I am human. I know that I am not alone on the journey. I know that I came, not to be perfect — but to heal — to carry the torch forward for my Soul family and lineage one step at a time, even if that means that the steps I take don’t get us fully to the destination I know is available.

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In my mind I can hear one of my friends quote Matt Kahn. In moments of admitting my faults and sharing my pain, she’d remind me, “you know Jillian, Matt Kahn would say that in the dark moments, ‘you deserve more love, not less.’”

Is it time to hold yourself with the Love and compassion that you know will wash your Spirit clean and clear? Is it time to forgive yourself for your mistakes and move forward? Is it time to love yourself unconditionally, as if you were the child who needed to be held?

You’re not here to be perfect. You’re here to be human. And the more you can allow for your mistakes the easier you’ll move through them, learn from them, and the more quickly you will discover another way — a better way — a more aligned way for you + yours. .

Loving You,

Jillian Xx

P.S. The Vital Mother Mindset Bundle is available for pre-sale! Are you ready to go from overwhelmed and scattered, to focused on and ON POINT with your soul work?

Listen, I know you’re a better mom when you’re making space for your work, your vision, and your creativity. I know because I’M THE SAME WAY.

On the days that I rise early and do my writing, I am far more satisfied, contented, and pleased — and it makes me a way better mom!

I don’t know who said this, but they were right: you can’t pour from an empty cup. You just can’t. When there are other people in your life who need your life-force energy, you need to do what you can to FILL UP FIRST.

For a limited time (and for a super low price) you can purchase this juicy bundle of mindset trainings designed to help you navigate being both ambitious in building your career AND being the mother you know you can be.

Together let’s:

  • move through your excuses, BS, and limiting stories that are preventing you from showing up for yourself, your work, and by extension — your child or partner or family

  • create new habits (that support your creative genius) so you know what to focus on daily to create consistent results and build unstoppable momentum

  • take the micro steps you need to take, to create your vision in business and in life — financially, emotionally, and energetically.

Get all the details and get in on this goodness right here: www.jillian-anderson.com/vital-mother-mindset-bundle

Big Love,




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If you want to:

+ Help your clients get better results

+ Free up time + energy to strategically create a group program

+ Stop hustling for your next single 1:1 session, or low-end sale

+ learn how to go high-end with your rates, effectively

Then, this is for you. Download it below for instant access. 

 
 
 

Money Makes Me a Better Mommy. Here's How.

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It’s all related. Money and motherhood. Stress and triggers.

How you mother, is affected by how you money. There’s no way around it. So it’s probably a good idea to heal it — with just as much determination, motivation, and drive as a person determined to heal the triggers that stem from their childhood trauma.

How are YOU doing money right now? Really, how are you feeling about money right now? Do you feel free? Or constricted?

I know mothers who’ve stayed (or are staying) in so-so and even abusive relationships because of… money. They don’t have enough income to live as a single parent right now and to support their children to their standards.

I know a mother who lives on the Jersey shore who’d much rather be living in Vermont, but she stays in Jersey, because her husband loves it, and he has... the money.

I know a woman who is not getting the midwife she actually wants because the CNM is covered by insurance but the laid back and hand’s off CPM she vibes better with, is not covered, and she doesn’t have the extra money to pay out of pocket, on top of the cost of her unpaid maternity leave.

I myself have made hundreds of decisions based on what I felt was available to me, and what was not, and like every woman in that place, I’ve wondered: how do I blow the lid off of this thing and CREATE + HAVE an unlimited way of living?

I’ll be the first to say (if it hasn’t already been said) that money makes me a better mommy.

Money and the incoming flow of more than enough money allows me to be more present, and grounded with my child (soon to be children). From that place, I think creatively. There exists expansion and possibility. It allows me to serve better, and to make better choices.

But when income dips or expenses increase, or both at the same time (we could talk about the energetics of this in another post) mommy might be pulled under by feelings of stress, worry, or fear...

And that’s when the triggers are easily triggered. That’s when the cortisol is high and the energy is frantic and she burns the toast and drops the avocado. That’s when her trigger buttons are bigger, and her focus is scattered.

Let’s dial this in even more because it’s not just the money that makes you a better mommy, it’s your relationship with the money that makes you a better mommy.

Because there are people who’re triggered at EVERY LEVEL.

There are people who start to worry when their account drops below 10k, just as there are people who start to worry when their account drops below 100k, just as there are people who start to fear when their account goes below $50 or into overdraft, and everything in between and beyond.

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So is it more accurate to say that HAVING MORE THAN ENOUGH makes you a better mommy?

Yes. It’s that energy — that abundant, expansive energy — that changes everything.

And how do you get there and sustain that energy? How do you live from a place of freedom and expansion and trust? How do you create MORE THAN ENOUGH? More than enough FOR YOUR SOUL TO DECIDE?

You do the WORK — the self-worth work. 

You do the WORK — the mind-set work. 

You release blame, and shame, and not-enoughness. 

You take the next inspired step. 
You get clear. 

You ALLOW more, into YOUR BODY and life. 

You see HER (your future self) and you lean into HER, everyday. 

You forgive people and release people. 

You surround yourself with people who GET IT and SEE YOU. 

You show up and CREATE what you feel called to create — not because it’s logical, but because it fuels you and lights you up and guides you forward. 

You make daily decisions that feel hard/scary/uncomfortable. 

You CLAIM it for yourself. 

And you don't stop.

Big Love,
Jillian Xx

P.S. If you're curious about the connection between allowing MORE pleasure into your body, and allowing MORE money into your life — my free instant video training 'How to Create More Money Through the Science of Your Orgasmic Nature' is helping women everyday make NEW connections and shifts in the way they RECEIVE.

Watch it instantly, for free, here: https://www.jillian-anderson.com/freevideotraining

Xx


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If you want to:

+ Help your clients get better results

+ Free up time + energy to strategically create a group program

+ Stop hustling for your next single 1:1 session, or low-end sale

+ learn how to go high-end with your rates, effectively

Then, this is for you. Download it below for instant access. 

 
 
 

The VITAl MOTHER Program is OPEN for Enrollment! Are You Ready to Launch + Lead Your Own Group Program?

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Let's talk about your shift into receiving MORE — more income, more impact, more fulfillment — all of it. 



(If that triggers you, I understand, because statements about 'receiving MORE' still trigger me sometimes).



I know what it’s like to slowly and steadily build a community online, but not be making any money through my efforts. 



I know what it’s like to be focusing on all the things the experts say to focus on, but again, not be seeing any direct financial results.



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My first ‘launch’ was of a $9 digital product I created called ‘The VMAP’ and, you may or may not remember that. 

Actually if you do, respond to this and let me know who you are because that’s incredible and I want to say hi. 



What I was saying about not seeing the results yet: at some point, you need to give yourself ultimate permission to be the CREATRIX — the Creatrix of products and offerings you LOVE (products and offerings that solve immediate problems, mind you). 



Then, you need to get those products and offerings to people who’re READY FOR THEM NOW. 

What’s it take? Is it really that hard? What do you have to do? 

Here’s what you CAN’T do:

🔹You can’t continue to avoid the inspired nudges of your Soul. 

🔹You can’t continue to work around the big scary next step. 

🔹You can’t continue to dawdle. I don’t think I have used the word dawdle in one single post, ever. Here’s to firsts. 



🔹You can’t continue to let your perfectionism and procrastination WIN (it’s distracting you from your confidence and your self-worth, isn’t it)? 



At what point will you DECIDE that ENOUGH IS ENOUGH — that waiting is costing you years, money, opportunities, memories with your loved ones, and your growth?



At what point will you DECIDE that it matters less what your family / friends / colleagues think about you and MORE what you think about yourself when you wake up and feel the feelings of ‘holy sh*t I am doing it, I am going for this, I am in alignment with my heart and my life’. 



At what point will you decide that you’re DONE with your own excuses?

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I mean, you know logically and conceptually, that you CAN do this — you CAN create a program that becomes a product that you can then sell repeatedly. A program that gets your students and clients results, without you needing to be physically present in real-time. 

And then, you can go on to create EVEN MORE. 



The sky is the limit. Oh wait, no, there is no limit. 



But there is only no limit when you’re not working against yourself anymore — and when all of you is on board. 

What’s it going to take? To get all of you ON BOARD?



THE VITAL MOTHER PROGRAM IS OPEN FOR ENROLLMENT.

The goal: to facilitate your first (or next) five-figure group program launch (work smart now, so you can have more time freedom and flexibility when you need it the most). 

The mission beneath the goal: to help you create a life that’s more supportive of your cyclical nature as a woman

 (you're not meant to *always* be working, you know?) 

You ready? 

You done with the fear and perfectionism and procrastination?

Get all the details and apply here: www.jillian-anderson.com/vital-mother-program

We're starting NEXT WEEK! 

Xx

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If you want to:

+ Help your clients get better results

+ Free up time + energy to strategically create a group program

+ Stop hustling for your next single 1:1 session, or low-end sale

+ learn how to go high-end with your rates, effectively

Then, this is for you. Download it below for instant access.